Thursday , May 19 2022

Battle of wits with landlord & his sexy tenants – Indian Landlord vs The Tenant Girl

To find an apartment for rent for two single ladies is now officially categorized as herculean task. I had lost count of a number of houses that I and my friend, Neha had visited over the past 6 days.

The mobile numbers of brokers filled up my contact list every time we explained the house owner that it is not a family, but only two 22 year old unmarried ladies, who are going to move in. He would slowly call the broker to one side of the room and start whispering.

We immediately knew that even this house is gone for a toss. Spinsters are considered as evil witches who cast spells on men and bring them home and do nasty godforsaken things with them. That’s the rumour that these species called house owners heard as their bedtime stories when they were kids.

We tried to politely explain to him that we have got a job here and we work for a well-known MNC as software developers. We further explained that will pay rent on time and cause no havoc in whatever little time we get to spend at home after the company sucks out our life each day. But it fell on deaf ears.

We were given 7 days of free accommodation in the company sponsored hotel and we were running out of time. Staying in PG for women seemed to be our only hope. We did not like it one bit. Madiha”! Neha called out loud. She was furiously searching for houses for rent in Sulekha.

She wanted me to check out this place which was around 6 kms from our office; it had 2 BHK, one open terrace and also 2 bathrooms. The rent quoted was also reasonable. I immediately dialled the number just to get the broker on the other end.

He told us that the place was already nearly booked by someone else but on hearing a female voice, he told us to meet him at a set location and check out the house never-the-less. Me and Neha got dressed and took an auto to the location.

The broker was scary looking man who stood over 6 feet tall and weighed close to 110 kilos. He was riding an old Yamaha bike and his bottom engulfed the entire seat. We slowly walked behind him as he took us through a lane.

We walked and walked until we reached a dead-end. Neha and I exchanged glances.

“The last house, Madam”, said the ogre. An independent house with 2 floors with withering paint stared at us

“2 BHK ma’am, no pollution, no traffic sound, the owner very good.

The ogre continued in his broken English. He rang the calling bell, and a fat plump lady wearing a saree which displayed her 3 tires around her belly opened the door. Princess Fiona and broker ogre, where is the donkey?

The fat lady had a serious conversation with the broker ogre in their colloquial language. I felt the ground below me shake as her voice boomed over the word rent. Neha was cool. She had already started walking around here and there as if she knew this house was ours for the taking.

“No Boyfriends here,” the fat lady’s voice pierced in my head.

I was so scared that I nodded by default. The fact that she said boyfriends instead of just boyfriend gave me a feeling that she thought I was a slut, or will become one soon.

Tell your friend also. I again nodded. She went inside and came back with a key and gave it to the broker ogre come, upstairs room. Full ventilation marble flooring Neha looked excited. She liked isolated houses. I like flats with lots of people around me.

I felt secure then and the front room was not that big one bedroom was bigger than the other.

“The kitchen opened to a terrace where there was so much place clothes hanging you and the owner’s family,” said the ogre share.

Oh! I understood that he wanted to tell me that this terrace will also be used by the owner’s family to dry clothes. Neha was flying around the house like a butterfly. She seemed to like this place.

The problem began the broker ogre, house booked by another man pay extra 1000 Rs and house yours. Yes, said Neha immediately. I looked at her. She had a pleading look on her face and I did not want to say NO. 10 months advance and if you leave within a year, 2 months’ rent will be deducted and one month rent is my fees.

This the broker spoke in perfect English. I agreed as this is the process followed by every single house owner in this city. “You can shift after you pay advance. Today also ok “, the ogre grinned. Stupid ogre!

“Who stays downstairs?”

I asked him good family. Wife you saw before, husband gone to work, one kid gone to school. Fiona looked scary, wondering how Shrek will be. I smiled. We wanted to move in tomorrow, we paid the advance, paid the broker.

We did not have much luggage. We had to buy everything from scratch. We moved in. Fiona smiled for the first time as I handed over the cheque to her. She must have really felt like a princess then. We never met her husband till date.

It seems like he did not have veto powers in that house to decide the tenants. All was done by Fiona. Neha liked the terrace the best. She was a hardcore Yoga enthusiast and always woke up by 6 to do her acrobatics. She had a well maintained body and a flat stomach.

Though not flat I had little flesh where is mattered and was too lazy to do Yoga or exercise of any sort. The husband or the official house owner it seems was out of station for some days. The kid was nice, he was around 10 and resembled baby shrek.

One morning while we were going to work, we climbed down the stairs to the gate, I saw a man topless scratching the hair on his chest looking at the motor. He seemed to be shocked to see us first. He then smiled at us. There was an evil grin to it.

Neha smiled back.

“New tenants” he asked.

“Yes” Neha replied.

“Do you like the house?”

“Like it very much” replied Neha.

“Come sometime for coffee in our house when you are free”, said the topless man, still rubbing his chest. He had a dhoti.

He had a sacred thread around his body to show his Brahmin origin. His pot belly prevented him from seeing his toes when he looked down. Shrek family did exist here. We smiled and we ran off to work.

There was a sound of laughter in my head as I tried to clear my mind. Was it just a dream or did I really hear it. I looked at the time it was 6:30 am. I got up and checked the other bedroom for Neha. She was not there.

She must be doing Yoga. I heard another roar of laughter. When did she start laughter therapy sessions like those mad people who believed that laughing with their hands raised without any reason on the roadside can prevent heart attacks?

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