Thursday , May 19 2022

Charlie keeps it inside until the bitter end

What does your family mean to you? Are they merely people you surround yourself with for your convenience? Do you love them, or are you fond of them? What I’m trying to say is, are you the type that has a dream for yourself and other just fill in the gaps? Does your work come first, and the family is more of a hobby?

That’s a lot of questions for a person to answer. Some of you will really have to think about it before you give a true opinion. Others will reply to this immediately, but they will know that they are lying. And then there will be people like me, without hesitation, I will tell you that my family comes first.

My children and grandchildren are held above all else in my life. They are the sole reason for my existence, they are the sun, the moon and the stars to me. I would literally give the shirt off of my back for them. Which is not to say if they needed it, but if they wanted it. I would give my last dollar to any of them, for a frivolous whim of theirs. I would happily do without a necessity, for any of them to enjoy a luxury.

You may have noticed that my wife is not included in my statement above. I had a wife once, twenty years ago. No, she’s not dead, a least in the physical sense. Were not divorced either, that would have upset the children. We continue to coexist in the same house. Under the same conditions as we have for over forty years. The children know nothing of the rift that occurred between my wife and I, and more to the point, she doesn’t either.

Ridiculous you say, maybe. I have continued the love my family, with the exception of my wife, and pretend that all is well. Why would a sane man do such a thing? My three children all love their mother, to tell them what is indelibly etched in my mind would diminish her in their eyes. I simply love them too much to affect their happiness in any way shape or form, even to my own detriment.

Call me a wimp, well, you can kiss my ass. Call me chickenshit, that’s bullshit. What I have done for the last twenty years is protect my children. It has been a feat harder than you can imagine. Harder by far than any form of torture ever devised by man.

My name is Charlie, and I have three children, two boys and a girl. They are everything to me. The oldest, Rob is going on forty. Billy is thirty seven, and my baby girl Judy, just turned thirty three. Between them there are eight beautiful wondrous grand kids, and I would happily lay down my life for any one of them.

I have kept this secret inside of me for very nearly twenty years. The woman that was once my life and my only love is Sally. I’m telling you this now because there are only days or hours left in my life. The doctor tells me, it will not be painful.

Sally and I once had something that you would call the perfect marriage. We met just out of college, I had a great job as a beginning architect. Sally was in real estate, and loved what she did. I first laid eyes on her at a restaurant, for me it was love at first sight. Thinking back, it took her a little longer to say she loved me. I asked her to a movie, that is how it was done back then.

We dated for months, and I finally had enough nerve to ask her to marry me. We married six months later in the church that her family went to. Hawaii was where we spent our honeymoon, and learned about the physical side of love with one another. We spent a glorious week in the sun, and explored each other’s bodies for hours.

Our life as newlyweds was a happy one, working to save money for a house and loving each other. Sally did very well in her job, and found us a beautiful house that we couldn’t afford. We bought it any way, vowing to work harder and cut back on things we didn’t need. We didn’t eat out any more, and took our lunches to work. I worked harder than I ever had in my life, and it paid off quickly. Soon I was promoted, and we could now easily afford the house.

When we first bought the house, we had started to spend our time together doing things that didn’t cost any money. Like taking long walks and going on picnics. We enjoyed that time so much, that we continued to be frugal and spent our time together enjoying each other. What money we did spend, was spent on the house, we worked like Rockys to make it a showplace that we could raise our family in and grow old together.

The day that Sally told me she was expecting our first child, I could not have been happier or more proud. My prayers had all been answered. Sally’s belly grew each day, as did my love for her.

We continued to live as we had, choosing to spend time rather than money, on the kids and ourselves. Don’t get the wrong idea here, we had every thing we needed. We just felt that it was more important to do things together as a family, than for the kids to have all the latest toys. Doing almost everything as a team, we tried to instill values in our children. Teaching them right from wrong in our own loving way.

Church was a big part of our lives. Not because we were fanatics, but we wanted the kids to believe in a higher power. Attending services each Sunday as a family, and taking part in all the outings and picnics. Our life was a happy one.

At forty-three, I was hurt at a job-site inspecting a building that we were constructing. I was hit by a falling piece of a metal beam, and my back was a mess. They put me back together, and I spent over three months in traction. Each day praying that I would be able to get well and provide for my family.

It took a long time for me to be able to walk and get around on my own. The pain was tremendous, so I took a lot of painkillers. The pain was either subsiding, or I was just getting use to it. It took a while to wean myself from the narcotics, but I eventually took control of my life.

I used a mild form of muscle-relaxer for relief. Most of the time, I was able to function fairly well, so I got back to work. My family life was pretty normal then, remembering my physical limits. The only problem was that the medications rendered me impotent.

Sex with my wife had always, and I do mean always, been wonderful and frequent. That was one of the things that we had discovered early in our marriage that we could do to entertain ourselves for free when we were struggling financially. We loved each other, and enjoyed an active sex life until my accident.

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